Why does everything taste better with coffee?
I was at the Burton U.S. Open and in the village, there’s always a sponsor village at sporting events catering to the younger generation, there was a Clif Bar booth.
I cannot resist free food.
I also cannot throw out food. Yes, I grew up in the era wherein children were starving in Europe, our parents really said that, and to put more on your plate than you could eat was a crime.
But my father was into gourmet foods, and he loved to fress, whenever there was a buffet, at a bar mitzvah, a wedding, he couldn’t resist.
I guess I’m my father’s son.
And I rarely get too full. And there’s no such thing as too rich. I only stop eating when my brain says so, not when my stomach sends me a message.
So my father found real estate for Friendly Ice Cream. Back when Friendly was seen as a breakthrough, do you remember the Big Beef and the Awful Awful? (Awful big and awful good, but because of a trademark dispute they had to rename it the Fribble.) And every time my father went to a location he brought home half-gallons. That was the size back then, you never bought pints, that arrived with the super-premium ice cream of the seventies, Haagen Dazs, then Ben & Jerry’s.
There was always ice cream in the freezer. Chocolate Marshmallow was my favorite, yum. And there was Toasted Almond Fudge…
And Mocha Almond Chip.
There’s that coffee.
I am not a coffee drinker. I want no artificial stimulants ever. I want no buzz, no illegal drugs, I have a hard enough time keeping myself on the straight and narrow, and I want to have all of my faculties 24/7.
As for the Starbucks phenomenon… I’m not sure if it’s really about the coffee. It’s kind of like a Rolex, owning it/using the product labels you, it signifies that you’re too good for the old Maxwell House.
But when I finally went into one, after being overwhelmed by the descriptive lingo, wondering how anybody managed to order, I found out what they’re really selling are milkshakes, with coffee, calorie-laden drinks that you can rationalize because you got them at Starbucks and they’ve got a hint of coffee and you need your buzz.
And it’s the coffee that gives it its bite.
That’s what coffee provides, a zing you can’t get anywhere else.
Like that McConnell’s ice cream with the coffee grounds mixed in. A winner!
So, at this Clif Bar booth they’re handing out samples, which they’ve baked in a toaster oven.
Now I don’t ever foresee toasting my energy bars, but I’m game.
It tasted DELICIOUS!
Now my nutritionist is anti-Clif Bar, because they’re full of carbohydrates and contain little protein, they’re almost like cakes. So I never buy them. Oh, I eat one now and again when I get one for free, and they’ve got their Builder’s edition which tastes nowhere near as good but speaks to the balance…
That’s my energy bar of choice, the Balance Bar. But it seems to have lost the war, you’ve got to be number one or you’re no one, and now they’re hard to find and they’ve reduced flavors. So, for a while there I ordered them in bulk on the internet, but then I realized I was devouring them like candy bars and I went cold turkey, except for when I go skiing, when I really might need a boost.
But that’s another thing my nutritionist told me, it’s not real protein, the bars are not real food.
But they had a whole table of these Caramel Macchiato bars and roaming women giving them away for free, actively pushing them on people because the event was just about to conclude, so I took two.
And tried not to eat them.
But yesterday I broke down, I was starved, and when I broke the foil and took a bite it was so satisfying, far beyond any other Clif Bar, and that’s when I realized…IT’S THE COFFEE!
I just ate the second, I’m not gonna buy any, I’m part of the resistance. But will I break down now and again?